Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
