So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
