no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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