Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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