No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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