we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
