And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
