i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
