no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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