In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
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I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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