I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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