He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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