My liver just broke up with me...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
