I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
