So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
