He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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