She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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