Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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