Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
