Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
