We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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