If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
