Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
