we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
