btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
