who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
