If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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