Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dick very happy bro
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
