I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
