i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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