like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
