I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
