"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
