Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize