never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
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Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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