Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
