If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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