i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
