He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
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just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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