You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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