I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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