Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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