I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
