What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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