you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
