I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
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Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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