I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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