I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
