Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
