Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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