Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Every concussion has its silver lining
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
