Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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