She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
