Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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