Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
