ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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