got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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