it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
